When life happens, I always am a little shocked by it at first.
How did I miss the signs?
Was there something I should of or could of done?
As I look back now was there something I missed, I begin to silently blame myself.
The one thing that is never going to change is the fact that when you least expect it “Life Happens”.
I know this to be true and recently it happened to me and I was not ready for it? Were there signs? Yes, there were signs but I really didn’t even know that I was seeing a sign.
Over and over I run through the things in my mind that could of been the first sign of the beginning of the problem.
Going backwards to go forward is what I call it, a way of justifying the past missed signs that led up to what happened. It could have been many things buy it wasn’t. It was the perfect amount of each thing that was the cause.
I am sharing this in hopes it saves a life of someone dear to you as it did for me. Please pass it on if you feel it could help anyone you know.
I feel lucky to be able to share this with you.
The doctor called her a tough old bird. They have no idea how tough she really is, but I do.
I am talking about my mother. She is and has been one stronger than most, very supportive, single mother of four.
I have three older brothers and if you have any older brothers you probably grew up like me a tomboy. I liked it, I didn’t know any difference. So that was a little bit about me.
We are all grown now and live our own lives but I found myself at a cross roads that brought me to stay with my mother. A blessing in disguise as you will see.
I know and believe all things happen for a reason but couldn’t really see the “why?” that I was here. I know where I want to be and that is totally doable. It will take me farther away than I had been to my mother who is now in her seventies.
She still works full time and who knows how long she will do that. She loves helping people and she is great at it so that is her passion. She has been making a living at her passion for as long as I can remember which is very inspiring.
I also try to listen to my surroundings, I believe everything resonates you just have to take the time to listen. That is the hardest part in our hurried, multi-tasking, overbooked life-style.
Meditating is one of the tools I use to listen.
Listening and really hearing what is being said or what is going on is essential to understanding when life happens.
The universe speaks to us in many ways sometime quietly other times loud. Being able to decipher and apply it to a situation is not always easy. I could of missed it but it would not of been too easy.
When the universe speaks to you it can be through any number of ways. You might hear the same word spoken on the radio, then see it on a bill board then again hear it on TV.
It catches you off-guard and you think your mind is playing tricks on you, but it is not. It continues to happen and if you ignore it you will have missed you chance to change it.
For me it was the crow, the crow had started coming to me daily. It would sit atop the light post outside the window and loudly it would squawk.
What was it trying to tell me?
It could of meant many things, or so I thought.
I know what the crow means to me, I have a gypsy heritage and my grandmother would curse them out of her backyard. They were waiting for my Papa she said and he was not ready to go.
In most instances, they fore tell death, but who wants to believe that, I wanted to be wrong.
Who was it here for? Was it me? A friend? My dog possibly he is 13 now. I could not come to any solid answers and not once did I think it was for my mom.
So listen to your surroundings there are truly answers for you if you take the time to listen.
I know you come to me and I will guide you in getting your happy back but that doesn’t mean we forgo all others things, it is a gentle mix of things that brings our happiness into full bloom.
You cannot avoid or even stop the sad or bad it is the power you give to it and how you deal with it that really affects your life one way or another.
You can however limit yourself to the things that you know cause more bad than good and more sadness than happiness. You have that power.
So the crow would come daily and I on many occasions mentioned the crow to friends and family and even my grandson. You may think what you want but I know for a fact that this crow was talking to me.
I call it one of my super powers being able to distinguish one bird squawking from another. There is also a dove that follows me but that is another story all together.
So daily the crow would come and I would ask out loud what it wanted and why was it here.
While I am here I wanted to do as much as I possible to help my mom for the time I wont be as close as I had been. There is a lot going on with her, her work, her home, her everything could easily take up two or three people to get done what she has been doing. So I did what I could when she would let me.
I know all our lives are intertwined and I enjoy the differences we all contribute.
I love the open mindedness of my daughter, the in search of answers my son thrives on, the spark I see in my grandson eyes when he figures stuff out by himself, and I love my mother just the way she is.
So when 4th of July came up and she announced she was partying on the boat (Yes she has a boat) I was much looking forward to staying at the house with my grandson, which I did. My daughter came down and hung out with grandma at the boat.
Safe and sound the 4th went on without a problem. It was the 5th of July that she walked to get coffee from the car to make on the boat that even now she and we are not sure what happened, but she ended up on her face on the pavement.
Ambulance came and went. Doctors discussed and reviewed her x-rays and cat scan. She didn’t break a thing but she would have quite the bruise on her face until it healed. So off she went.
She moved a little slower but isn’t that to be expected?
She felt fine she said and didn’t miss a day of work. Her face healed fast and you would think all is fine, but it was not. She still was moving slow like slow motion slow, that is not her. She just was not her usual self.
The crow now louder than ever moved from the light post perch to right outside my window.
Oh how I wish my super power was understanding what this crow was saying. Maybe I did know, maybe I didn’t like what I was hearing. So I ignored it, well I tried.
My mother became extremely tired most every day now. Even the simplest of things were a struggle. I started cooking for her when she let me. Within a week I was cooking all her meals. This of course was a sign I clearly missed.
Usually on any given morning she was up early, getting ready for work. Now getting ready for work took most of the day and if she made it there before 3pm it was a good day. Again another sign, I noticed but she said she thought she was fine. She wasn’t.
The very next day she got in a fender bender nothing big, another sign.
So why wasn’t I paying attention?
It is a little hard when your mom is anything like my mom. She says she is fine and you believe her. She was wrong.
Next day she tripped over the dog, then the final straw she fell off the pottie. I had, had enough, we are going to the hospital something is wrong and we are going now.
I drove to the ER and when I ask her what she remembers it is just bits and pieces.
If you are like me you know all things happen for a reason and so it was no coincidence that the same girl was at the front desk of the hospital this day was also at the other hospital when she arrived on the 5th of July.
That was a big help in identifying what had happened and what was happening to her. She was showing symptoms of brain bleed which a cat scan confirmed.
Within the hour, she would be rushed to the trauma unit from the hospital we were at to a nearby hospital.
Within 24 hours, they would open her head up and remove a large sum of blood that had accumulated and was now pressing against her brain.
So many thoughts go through your mind at a time like this.
My hero was my sister being there for me when I finally broke down in tears as they wheeled mom down the hall. At that point, I had no more control over anything. I closed my eyes and said a prayer.
The surgery went fast and if she had not been in such good health this could of turned out totally different.
I stayed all night after surgery I didn’t want her to wake up in a strange place with strangers all around her.
She woke up sort of and I soothed her as much as I could. She was already stronger but still confused. Amazingly she left the hospital within days and is getting stronger each day.
She will continue to heal and I am thankful for that. I will be here for her for a little longer. I know why I am here now. I know now what the crow was telling me and I am thankful for that too.
There is not a lot you can do when life happens but if you take the time to listen the universe will provide answers.
I know this to be true because it happened to me.